On Tuesday, I realized pretty much all of my “chatting” had to do with various conflicts and decisions I had to make in my life. Thanks for enduring that all, by the way. The post came at a time when I was feeling incredibly overwhelmed and being pulled in 8,367 directions.
I’m at a place in my life that a lot of GOOD is happening, and I feel so blessed. I’m having opportunities come up left and right, and they’re all opportunities that get me giddy and excited inside. But, when I take a step back and really think about it, I realize that logistically there’s no way I can do it all. I’m a person that likes to give 100% to whatever I’m doing (ahem, perfectionist) which makes it even more overwhelming to think about the 8,367 things I want to do.
I’m also someone that loves to be busy, busy, busy. Sitting still is not my forte and never has been! It’s easy for me to sign up for things left and right and say “yes” without blinking an eye. I didn’t used to be this way (I’ve always been a busy body, but not so much when it came to saying “yes” to everything) – in fact, I was probably the exact opposite. I think diving into everything I could these last few months has been somewhat of a coping mechanism for me to deal with our move. It was a big life transition for me, and I didn’t want to deal with the emotions of all the changes. Instead, I buried myself in STUFF and kept adding things to the calendar.
Well, now I’m feeling it all!
This week has been a little bit of a wake-up call for me. I came home from vacation feeling refreshed and rejuvenated when suddenly a huge surge of anxiety came over me when I looked at our calendar and started preparing for the upcoming several weeks. The fall season is starting (although it does NOT feel like it around here) which means events and programming are picking up left and right.
I’ve been doing a lot of praying, thinking, seeking counsel, and evaluating priorities this week. This is where I was reminded that next to my relationship with Christ, my roles as a wife and mother are my priority. Beyond that, I need to start learning how to release things. My mom and a good friend sent me a couple devotionals that summed up my feelings perfectly. The devotionals couldn’t have come at a better time. I found them incredibly encouraging and served as a great reminder for me that a “best yes” can turn into a “stressed yes”, which can lead to breaks and cracks at our core.
So, I’m learning to release – to let go of things so that God can better use me in the things He desires me to do.
This means turning down a part time job offer with a company I love. It means blogging less, most likely going down to 3-4 posts per week. It means reading and commenting on less blogs (don’t take it personally – I sincerely love you all!). It means subbing less classes. And most importantly – it means being more intentional in my time with God and my boys … because THAT is what truly matters.